Losing a loved one while grappling with sensitive and complex issues can be overwhelming and disorienting, often leading to intense emotional turmoil. Recently, a man shared on Reddit a similar struggle: he refused to give his deceased partner’s family the house they had purchased together, sparking a heated debate about grief, property rights, and moral obligations.
He wrote:
“My boyfriend (30M, RIP) and I (33M) were together for 15 years. We met in high school and stayed together until a few months ago, when he passed away due to bone cancer.
I live in a traditional country. His parents kicked him out when he came out as gay at 17, so my family took him in, helped him finish high school, and supported him as much as they could.
After graduating, he worked hard and made good money. He saved enough to purchase a house 10 years ago and was paying the mortgage by himself. Four years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. He reduced his working hours to focus on his health, and I stepped in to pay the mortgage.”
He went on explaining:
“It was a hard battle, but cancer took him in March. After he died, his family suddenly reappeared, expressing regret for not being in his life. As time passed, a month ago, they reached out to me asking when they could expect me to hand over the keys to the house.
I told them they can’t have the house, because it is now in my name. I bought the house from my boyfriend a year after his cancer diagnosis, so it is legally mine, and I had been paying the mortgage long before that. They got upset and said I was being unreasonable, arguing that it should legally belong to them, and that my boyfriend would have wanted them to have the house.”
He added:
“After some thought, I told them, ’You can only have the house under one condition: you would have to ’buy’ it from me by reimbursing me for the four years of mortgage payments and take on the remaining debt.’ They said they didn’t have the money and accused me of being selfish. They proposed transferring the debt to their name without compensating me, but I declined. They got angry, and the discussion escalated to the point where they threatened to take me to court, accusing me of scamming my boyfriend to get the house.
They have been calling and texting me non-stop for the past month, threatening me. I know they can’t afford to pay me back for all the money I’ve invested in the house, but I’m conflicted. Some friends have advised me to give them the house and move on with my life, but it just doesn’t feel right to me. I’m leaning towards not giving them the house. I don’t need it, to be honest, but I don’t want to give it to them either. Am I wrong for refusing to hand over the house?”
Other Redditors chimed in to support him, leaving comments such as:
Call the cops and say you’re being harassed, because you are! You offered a very reasonable solution, they declined. Your husband wanted you to have the home, which is why it’s in your name! Don’t let them cash in on it.
They didn’t care about him when he was alive, they don’t get his house! For context, I went to no contact with my mother and siblings about 2 years ago. They have known all I needed was an apology and I would let them back into my life.
I would be pissed if they tried this after I had passed, but didn’t try to make amends during my life. It adds insult onto injury. I would NOT want them to have my home. I would want it with someone who loved me unconditionally. © I_l0v3_d0gs / Reddit
If you give them the house now, then they benefit from him, even though they rejected him when alive. You keep the house, because you’re the one who loved your boyfriend. You owe his terrible family, who kicked him out at 17, nothing! © ThingsWithString / Reddit
Firstly, I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t get into any further conversation with your boyfriend’s parents. Just ignore them. If they think they are entitled to what is your house and your home, let them take legal action. If they can’t afford this that is their problem not yours.
Leave any texts you get from them as unread. Screenshot them and email them to yourself as a backup in case anything happens to your phone. © Wooden_Opportunity65 / Reddit
You are in grief. Do not let them convince you of something you do not want to do. You owe them nothing.
Your partner sold you the house, knowing how ill he was. He wanted you to have a stable place to live. He would not want you to give them the house you shared as there was a relationship with you but not his family. It will not honor your spouse to give up what he made sure you would have, especially since they only want to claim property after his death, but made no claim to him while he was alive.
Keep your home. They are not family to you or to him. It is too late for a relationship between him and his family. © toomanyschnauzers / Reddit
If he wanted them to have it, he would have given it to them and not sold it to you. They’re just being greedy and manipulative. Block them or maybe mute them so you can keep record of their harassment should things escalate further. © crzyferrlady / Reddit
If they wanted his house, they should have at least seen him while he was dying. It wouldn’t be respectful to his memory to give them the house when they never showed an ounce of regret in his lifetime. Also, the actions of your late boyfriend show that he cared about looking out for you. He wouldn’t have transferred the house to you if he didn’t want you to be provided for. © Maximumfabulosity / Reddit
The anguish of losing a loved one, combined by the uncertainties of inheritance and responsibility, can create an overwhelming burden. This is the heartbreaking reality for a woman who, after the sudden loss of her husband, finds herself confronting an unforeseen dilemma.
